Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
