If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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