get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
God gave him joint rollers for hands
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
