haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
