Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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