can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
