i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
