this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i just had sex bonerless
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
