And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
