In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
