I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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