wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We have so much sex to catch up on
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
