so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
