Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
