I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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