So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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