life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
