just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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