If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
