Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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