It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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