Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sobbing to NWA
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
