pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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