We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
