Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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