I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
