I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
