i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
