ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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