I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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