Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
