My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Randomize
