you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
