i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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