this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
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