This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
