I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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