you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
