i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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