It's like God shit irony all over that family
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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