ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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