This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
