K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
