Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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