What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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