i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
