Having a random hookup so left but love u
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
