This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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