Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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