Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
