I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
