Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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