Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
